Thank you & Enjoy

Hey,

Thank you to everyone for waiting so patiently for my blog to come to life. I would like to send a few special thank you's. Firstly, to my mom, TP for encourageing me to write again, and for not bothering me when I was in my "typing zone". Secondly my close friend JK aka J-WoW for letting me be your journal, and for having the best funny, akward, crazy life moments that you can't make up. Also HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!! I'd also like to thank Tiff, Wifey, Aunt Ice and Bunnz for having faith in me when I didn't. I love all you guys.

I currently have FIVE stories posted: Sl,oan: Waiting, The Unloading Process: Part 1, Mona: The Walk Up The Block, I Don't Need You, At Least Not Now, and Liz: The Strange Day. Please check them all out and leave comments.

I hope everyone enjoys, and checks back weekly for new post!!! Also PLEASE spread the word about my blog, "The Life & Times of a Self Proclaimed Blind Gypsy" if you enjoy it, the more the merrier. Here's the direct url link: http://theltofablindgypsy.blogspot.com/

Also on the left side of my home page become a fan and follow my blog by clicking the member section. And you can follow me on Twitter @ MissBlindGypsy

Warmest Regards & Best Wishes

Sloan: Waiting

Part 1: Waiting

2:00. Waiting. 3:46. still waiting. Waiting is all Sloan could do at this point. At 6:05. It was time to at least get ready. He would actually be here, in the city in an hour, and they had plans for dinner at 8 sharp. She had been such a ball of nerves all day, which caused her to be even more awkward than usual. She lit her favorite herbal candle and turned on her Relax playlist before she sat at her desk to start her makeup ritual. "Bittersweet Symphony" filled the room and lavender cleansed her mind as she deeply inhaled. When she looked in the mirror she saw the two of them holding hands for the first time in years. How perfectly their fingers fit, the cool air blowing against her back making her skin tingle, the sand moist from the tides soothed their feet as they strolled the shore, the reflection of the sun seemed pinkish orange against the ocean as it began to set. She soon snaps out of her trance realizing it had been nearly three months seen that day on the beach with William.

Sloan and William had secretly fallen in love ten years ago, at the time they were only high school juniors, who barely knew each other. They hung out in different crowds, had different schedules, and even lived in different neighborhoods. But somehow when they would sneak stares at each other they felt the weirdest connection. One day Sloan had missed her ride home because her brother had to go into work early and as usual she lost track of time, so she had to catch the city bus. The first one that pulled up she jumped on. After about 20 minutes Sloan realized she had jumped onto the wrong damn bus. Feeling like an idiot she rung the bell, and calmly got off at the next stop. Once she got off and the bus was out of sight she had a fit, saying every four letter word that came to mind and sat on a nearby tree stump to gather herself. As she sat trying to figure out how she was going to get home she heard someone laughing before they asked, "Are you ok?" As fate would have it William had seen her throwing her little temper tantrum from the bodega across the street. At first they just stared at each other before Sloan busted into awkward laughter. After she stopped giggling she explained the whole story of why she was sitting on the stump acting like a crazy lady. William laughed and offered a ride home. His house was a block away and after he dropped off the bag he had he'd be free. Sloan shyly accepted. For the next four hours they talked about everything from family, food, dreams and Bill Clinton to techno music and Lauren Hill. When she finally dropped her off she didn't want to go in the house. She had met the love of her life. From that day on her and William spent every free minute together.

Sloan had to snap out of it. She had to be heading out in the next 20 minutes to make sure she beat traffic. She was truly one of the most beautiful girls most people had ever seen. A mixture of four distinct cultures left her standing with the best features of each, 5'7", slightly sun kissed skin, curves placed as if Michelangelo chiseled her from Italian marble, and a face Mona Lisa was jealous of. Yet oddly her inner confidence was equivalent to that of a bullied 12 year old with acme. She had tried on 13 dresses before she felt ready, it was a black figure hugging number with a low cut back and sweet heart neckline, and new her patent leather "Red Bottoms". As she took a final look over in the mirror she said her motto, "When in doubt Black stops the pouts."

"What the hell does that mean?” William asked laughing. Sloan finished getting dressed and replied, “It means that when you have no idea what to wear black is your best and only choice you have. I mean seriously who ever looked bad in black? When I wear a black dress with matching pumps I feel settled and on top of my game.” “What’s wrong?” said Sloan noticing William’s laughter had stopped and an upset look on his face. It was weird because all week she had caught him with this look on his face in the mist of them laughing about little silly things. And every time she asked was everything ok he would say yeah, everything is good. “We need to talk Sloan” he said as he sat and took her hand. William went on to say in a week his family would be moving to California, to stay with family. Since his father had lost his job two months earlier things had been going horrible financially for his family, and at this point it was their only choice. Sloan felt a stabbing feeling in her heart as tears streamed down her face like The Nile River flowing through a parched desert. She knew things would be over if he left. Sloan had never seen a long distance relationship work, and she knew William didn’t believe in them from earlier conversations. When she looked at his flushed face, and into his empty eye, she heard the words he couldn’t bring him to say, it was over.

“I guess you wonder where I’ve been? I searched to find the love within. I came back to let you know, I gotta thing for you that I can’t let go. My friends wonder what is wrong with me. I’m in a daze from your love you see…Some people go around the world for love, but they may never find what they dream of…” sings Sloan as She listens to “What you won’t do for love” as it plays in her car. Three million thought go through her mind as she pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot, “Do I look ok, what’s he going to wearing, does he still think about the last time we saw each other, will this be the last time I see him?” The restaurant, Spiaggia, was absolutely gorgeous, one of Chicago’s most famous Italian fine dining spots. As she sat at her table she became nervous again, hoping that the evening went well, and that she would have no regrets the next day. “Ma’am can I interest you in a drink while you wait?” asked the waiter.  “Yes, I’ll take a Manhattan. Thank you” answered Sloan.   Last time she saw him things were like time had never passed, at least until they discussed what was going on in each other’s lives. Sloan was single for the most part. She had been talking to a guy she use to work with, but they were never officially anything, which was a whole other story. William on the other hand had two kids, and a girlfriend he was supposedly preparing to leave. As Sloan drank her Manhattan, she shook her head in disbelief that she was actually sitting here.

“What? I’m not going in there. You must be Willy Wonka crazy my friend” says Sloan, as he tugs at her arm. William couldn’t help but laugh, being reminded of how funny Sloan was when she wasn’t even trying to be. “Sloan! Seriously trust me people do this all the time” he pleaded. “Ok Will, I’m gonna trust you.” As they were walking on the beach William noticed a house for sale. He wanted the two of them to go inside and pretend to be interested buyers. Apparently he had saw in a movie once, and had always said he wanted to do it because he thought it would be romantic with someone as special as Sloan. When they entered an old cleaning lady approached them saying, “Come in. The real estate agent just left for the day, but you guys are welcome to come look around. I’ll be here for an hour, so you’re welcome til then.” After they thanked her they went to venture through the house. The living room was set up very cozy, ocean blue walls, gold fixtures, black & white family photos so full of life you felt like you were there, and oval shaped windows surrounded the downstairs area. The furniture was smooth cream suede, with a sea of big plush pillows, perfect for kids to pillow fight against a mothers wishes. As they walked into the master bedroom upstairs they both gasped. It was sheer wonder. Everything was in shades of earth tones, carpet that looked like sand but felt like feathers, and a balcony that over looked the private part of the Beach. As they stood on the balcony the breeze gently blew over them. Sloan felt a hand rub down her spine slowly, like a rain drop rolling down a window. She could smell his scent drifting into her, as he lips grazed her neck, leaving her knees weak. As she moved to turn towards him he softly took her into his arms, kissing her ever so passionately. Sloan felt a rush of warmth run through her limp body. It had been years since she had this feel, a feeling of love and lust doing an epic tango. When her lips parted from his she caught her breath, and her skin cooled allowing her to open her eyes. As Sloan looked at him, she could see the old William staring back. The boy she loved so deeply that she didn’t date for three years when he left, the dude without kids, the guy without an “it’s complicated” girlfriend, the one that gave her a ride all those years ago. Yet in her heart she knew he wasn’t that boy anymore, he was a man, a man who had obviously moved on when he left her ten years ago.

“Ma’am is everything ok?” asked her waiter. Sloan hadn’t even realized he had been standing there while she was reminiscing about her last time seeing William, during her business trip to California. “I’m sorry, I’m fine. Can I have another please?” she said as she sat up and pushed her hair out of her face. As she waited she thought about what would come of this dinner. Was he going to tell her what she wanted to hear, what she needed to hear? With him it had to be all, or nothing. Sloan couldn’t keep wishing and waiting for things to be the way she hoping it would. The pain and agony of waiting was killing her, and she just couldn’t do it anymore. “Hello Sloan.” a familiar voice said, interrupting her thoughts. As she looked up there he was. William had finally made it, the wait was finally over. Well at least for now.

To Be Continued…        

The Unloading Process: Part 1

Part 1: The Rant

Am I running from the things around me or just living my life to the fullest at the moment? I’ve listened to the same three songs on my playlist for about two hours and I can’t bring my finger to change the tunes that are soothing my soul at the moment. Which brings me back to my original question, if I wasn’t running away would my soul even need to be comforted?

In the last nine months I have traveled on average every other month. I have endured horrible sickly bus rides, chaotic plane rides, and the scenic views of train rides. Sh*t the only thing I haven’t been on is a boat! Oh well maybe next month.

At 25 years old, two and a half decades, a quarter of a century, I am going blind like I’m 75, mildly obsessed with why strippers strip, can’t bare missing a day of The View without my day feeling incomplete, and a big show choir freak over Glee. What the hell is all I can say. How do any of those things mix or make sense? I am also questioning my decision to give up journalism. For God sakes I was dubbed to be the next Oprah and Barbara Walters. Every time I see the two of them I feel my throat swell up from me chocking back the tears of what I was destined to be a life time ago. My skin becomes itchy and hot from the anger I have for letting this stupid eye disease take away the bulk of self-esteem I had treasured for over 7 years.  My head begins pounding as my brain searches for the answer of where am I going to end up now? What is my new path…?

My new path, it's too funny just seeing those words on this screen staring at me dead in the eyes waiting for an answer. Shaking my head at all the past chances and lost opportunities out the window. All because I’ve lost my testicularforitude along this journey. Someone help I’d really like my jewels back! I find it crazy that this is the first time I have to admit that, I lost my jewels, lost my voice, lost the grip I had on my past passions. How does one fix such an unfortunate thing? How do I get back to the joy of achievement that I encompassed only six short years ago?

I would like to make it clear that I’m not in any way discrediting my four and a half years of my college experiences- split between two Universities, especially my two degrees, and the experiences I have lived though. I mean I can make half the things you see on Food Network and all these cake/dessert shows, I know why things are marketed to us the way they are. I pledged HARD to be a part of sorority, which in its self has taught me so much about the human race and about myself. I also discovered I have a deep appreciation for the topic of History. And that working at a true camp for four summers of your life can be extremely life changing and valuable to building one’s personality and character.

But even with this I still feel shy and uncomfortable in most social situations. Sigh. Not being able to see the people and places around me have caused me so much emotional pain, which I still haven’t figured out how to fix after six frustrating, painful, shamed years of baring the invisible scarlet A of my disease burning a fiery hole through my half dead heart. No one understands, absolutely no one. Not even the people closest to you, because if you see anything clearly or make out a text message fast all of a sudden your fine and a rapid flow of smart a$$ verbal diarrhea is dumped all over your achievement of the day. Don’t question things that aren’t affecting you. Really, it’s annoying and hurtful beyond what you’ll ever understand. And in the same instance just because I manage just fine 83% of the time doesn’t mean far ahead of me, walk away, or cross the road without this chicken because the reality is I become lost and the likelihood of me finding/catching up to you is as likely as finding a invisible needle in an extra-large hay stack during a tornado in the Ohio valley. 

And since we’re on the topic of friends, let’s dish on this always hot topic. Friendship is such an interesting term. I assume friendship means that we mutually like each other, which doesn’t seem to be the case a lot of the time. I have people claiming me as their best friend that don’t even know my favorite color or my dead father’s name. They also couldn’t possible understand half the things I’ve done in the last five years. Then I have “friends” that easily catch attitudes because we don’t talk every week or month, so when we finally do talk all they do for the first 20 minutes is complain about not talking. Then we have the ones that steal from you literally and figuratively, they steal your time, money, and joy of being yourself. You work hard to fix their problems, yet you barely get a thanks. Then there are the ones you know better than handing your purse to, because you know when you get it back it will be a little lighter, and to make it worst they suddenly have enough money to buy you dinner and drinks. Oh yeah let’s not forget about the ones that tell you all about fun plans they have with your other friends, yet you don’t get an invite, which leaves you feeling upset and left out because you suddenly feel like you don't belong, and when you hint at the invite they act like they don’t hear you. Which brings to mind an old saying, with friends like these, who needs enemies?

And with all this said I still find myself wondering what exactly am I doing with my life? Am I making a difference with my words? Am I changing the lives of the people around me? I guess in some ways I am. I’m a journal to the people that don’t know how to express themselves to anyone else. I'm a human soundboard for those that need to test what they say, before they speak to others about things which may change their course of life. I sit and lend an open ear to people that have no friends, because maybe an act of kindness will make them a little less angry and cold. To some people these things may mean nothing, but to me they do. And until I find a greater purpose, they’re just gonna have to do.  

Mona: The Walk Up The Block

The Walk

When Mona got off work she was beyond tired. She had had this sick feeling in her gut for the last day and a half, but was desperately trying to ignore it. Her best friend Liz who lived in Denver was in town visiting her for the week, which was nice because they hadn’t really seen each other in over a year. She and Liz had actually talked about her feeling the night before, but the two of them couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Her family was good, work was busy but good, her boyfriend would be back from his trip in a few hours, and everything was in order around her. So the feeling just didn’t make any sense to her.

When she got on the train she took a much needed cat nap since her Blackberry had no service. As she napped she thought about what they were going to do for dinner, she really didn’t feel like cooking. She thought about how happy she was KJ was coming back today. She had missed him so much, more than she thought she would. Mona and KJ had only been officially messing with each other for three months. They actually met on her way to work one day during the winter. It was nice because she had just recently moved to the area, and he was nice enough to get her familiar with the neighborhood and the surroundings. It also didn’t hurt that his house was only a block from hers. Things clicked with them. They both were out spoken, had been through a lot with relationships, and both were deep believers in God. But mostly she appreciated that they were able to be friends before any romantic b.s took place.

When she got off the train she went outside to catch the bus the rest of the way home. On the train she never got reception so she was sure she had missed at least one call. As Mona started to doze off on the bus her phone beeped repeatedly. As she looked at her phone she saw she had missed three calls from an unfamiliar number as well as two voicemails. When Mona checked the voicemails her heart sank to her stomach. KJ had been arrested in Florida during his trip, and he had used his calls to reach her. Mona couldn’t believe she missed his calls, and was terrified about what to do. When she got off the bus she called Liz to let her know what was going on, but Liz didn’t answer. Mona began to panic; Liz was always the person to calm her down in crazy moments like this. Luckily Mona knew her mom was at her house dropping some things off, so she called her to see if Liz was still at the house. When she called her mom she began getting nervous that her mom would sense something was wrong so she tried to play cool. “Hey mom. Is Liz near you, I tried calling her but she didn’t pick up,” said Mona. Her mom laughed and went upstairs to give Liz the phone. When Liz said hello Mona unleashed the whole story on her about the situation at hand. “Liz please act normal. I don’t wait my mom to know anything is going on. Try to get her to leave so we can figure things out.” Mona asked her friend. Liz agreed and acted as if Mona hadn’t said anything important at all. When they got off the phone Liz went to grab her tablet and started to do research on who they needed to call to find KJ. As she did this she mentioned to Mona’s mom that Mona was going to be awhile and that they were leaving as soon as she did get home. Mona’s mom sighed and said she would just catch up with her daughter later and left.

When Mona walked in the house they got right to work calling every police office and jail in Dada county Florida. After an hour of calls they had nothing. Absolutely nothing except the voicemail stating that someone she knew was arrested in Dada County. Now the thing about KJ is that he was extremely street savvy. So the possibility of him being locked up under a different name was completely possible, this worried Mona because she had no idea who he said he was, plus she already called each office back with the three names she knew he went by. The only thing left she could do was go ask his mother for help. She didn’t want to worry her or break her heart with this bad news unless she absolutely had to. As she and Liz sat in silence wondering about their next move one last idea came to her. She had briefly met a few people who knew KJ when he would take her for strolls after work; she figured it was better to ask them before heading to his mom. Mona and Liz grabbed their things and headed out. As soon as they stepped out the saw a group of guys sitting out across the street so why not start with them. As they walked up to the fence the group became quiet, staring the two girls up and down intensely. “Hey what’s up? Do any of you know KJ?” Mona asked. Two familiar guys walk over to the fence towards the girls and told the others they’d be right back. The four of them walked down the bock about two yards over to talk. “Who are y’all? And what you looking for KJ for?” asked the tallest of the two dudes. Mona told them she was KJ’s girl and that she thought he may have gotten himself into some trouble down in Florida, and she needed to see if he had tried reaching anyone else. The guys perked up when they realize these girls really had KJ’s back. They made a few calls but didn’t find out anything more than Mona already knew. They suggested that they try his uncle who lived a little farther down the street.

As Mona and Liz approached the uncle’s house they saw the car was gone and the house was dark. Liz suggested that they sit for a minute and figure out what to do next. As they sat waiting on some sign or answer Mona became overwhelmed with grief. She felt bad that she wasn’t able to answer his phone calls. He had called her three times, he had so much faith in her he used all his calls to her and she felt she had let him down She just had to figure this out before his mom found out. KJ had really been trying to get his life back in order lately, and this would just mess it all up. As her mind wandered something hit her. The week before he called his friend that was hooking him up with this trip, from her phone. As she went through her call log she prayed the number was still there. When she found it she smiled grabbing Liz’s hand as she pressed the call button. When the man on the other end answered she told him the whole situation. He silently listened before saying, “Yeah ok. I think I can help you out, let me make a few calls and get back to you in a few.”

They waited over an hour and still hadn’t heard back from him or anyone else. At this point Mona felt she had no choice but to go tell his mom what was going on. As they walked Mona started to think about how sick she had been feeling the last few days. Her heart knew something wasn’t right when she hadn’t heard anything from him during his trip. Maybe she should’ve called to check up on him. Her pride had stopped her from calling him the whole week because she didn’t want him to know how much she really missed him. This was how she was with all her boyfriends; she never wanted to look like that needy nagging girlfriend guys always complain about.

As they approached the driveway of KJ’s mother’s house they stopped. Her heart felt like it was going to skydive out of her chest right onto the warm ridged pavement beneath her.  She and Liz slowly walked towards the backdoor of the house, dreading what was to come next. Right as she lifted her sweaty hand to press the doorbell her phone rang. It was a private call, which she usually would ignore, but today she couldn’t afford not to answer. “Hey Babe it’s me,” said KJ. Mona was so relieved he was ok, yet so angry he had even put her in this situation. As they walked back toward her house KJ explained the whole situation. Apparently they were out at a club and his friend’s associate had brought his trouble making girlfriend who started a lot of drama. The girl was going up to guys asking them to buy her drinks, and then would tell the drink buyer that the group of guys in VIP were hassling her, which caused a bunch of guys to come over trying to start a fight. When KJ asked the gentlemen to leave them alone one of the guys threw a bottle at him. Anyone that knows KJ knows he has a short temper when he feels attacked, so when the bottle hit him his Mike Tyson alter ego was unleashed. And that was all she wrote.

After he finished his story Mona told him all the stuff she and Liz had been doing to find him, and how she was just about to knock on his mother’s door. KJ was extremely grateful and told her his new flight would get him back in town the next evening, so he would pick her up from work. After they hung up she and Liz just stared at each other shaking their heads before busting out into laughter. They had been through so many of these “What the Hell” moments together over the last six years, but this one had to be in the top five of crazy times. Later that night as they sat on the couch watching The Breakup, while drinking glasses of Rosé Mona turned to Liz and said, “Sis thank you for always being here when I really need you. Every time I think about the craziest things that have happened with me you’re always right by my side. I couldn’t ask for a better best friend, I love you.” Liz teared up because she was always emotional. She hugged Mona before saying, “Aaaaww Mona I love you too. I know we don’t talk every day or even every week, but I’m always here for you no matter what. You are my sister and my friend for life.” As they raised their glasses and toasted they both smiled, and shook their heads at the crazy evening they just shared.

I Don't Need You, At Least Not Right Now!!!

I Don't Need You...

I am so incredibly tired of talking about you. You’re not a part of my life I wish to concern myself with. I absolutely hate when people say, I need you. Or ask where you are. My response is I don’t care, and don’t ask me again. My friends and family should know me well enough that when I say I don’t need or want you in my life that I mean it. I’m not being stubborn, or oppositional, I’m just telling the truth. I just don’t.  

Why is it that people think of us as a two for one deal? Like I’m a burger and you’re my side of fries. Like it’s impossible that I’m living without you gripping my hand. Honestly like I really need you to live the lifestyle I’ve been dealt. I find it to be so ridiculous that people that aren’t me think they know what I need. I am neither helpless, nor incompetent. Do people not understand I’ve lived 26 years without you, and plan on living at least 52 more without you. I didn’t need you before, and I don’t need you now. I know my way around this town and many others like the back of my hand. So why would I need your help getting around.

Look I understand where everyone is coming from. Honestly I truly do. You worry about me falling down and not having that thing to help me back up. You’re worried that I walk around so much by myself. You’re afraid I can’t make it through the darkness and the haloed lights alone. You’re concerned that when people see me they just won’t get it without me going through my whole spill about the cards I’ve been dealt. I get it. I swear I do.

I would be lying if I said I never had the same concerns. Of course I’m tired of this obstacle, I didn’t ask for it, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I hate that at times I have to be so dependent on others, which is why when I say I can do things on my own I mean it. I’d have to be emotionally detached from reality to say I’m not afraid of falling and tripping through life. I am afraid, but with every fall and trip I am granted greater independence and have won another battle in my war.

So my dear friend your just gonna have to sit in the corner until I do need you. Just because the world expects you to accompany me through my journeys doesn’t mean I plan to circum to your tempting offer of an easier life. I must say though, it is very comforting to know that you’re in my corner and that I can always turn to you. And that if the streets I stroll become a real threat you’ll be right by my side to guild me through.

Sorry your services aren’t needed just yet. Mr. White Cane, I got it from here, for now at least.     

Dedicated to all my fellow legally blind people living life to the fullest, whether you use a walking cane or not. And to my friends with the gift of sight, appreciate the beauty around you, all the colors and shapes, they truely are priceless!!!

Liz: The Strange Day

The Strange Day

Liz got up at her regular time of 7:50 today. As she sat up from her bed and placed her feet on the cold carpet a familiar feeling filled her. Liz just shook it off as she got ready for her boxing class.  She always matched her socks to her t-shirt when she was going to workout because it put a smile on her face, but today she could’ve cared less. After she threw on a jacket she ran out to her car to avoid being soaked by the rain.

When she started the car a familiar tune played on the radio. She wasn’t sure where she heard it before but the line, “once my cup was overflowing” was so familiar. She could hear a man’s voice humming a song, only singing that line occasionally. Liz shook it off and went to class. Class was good but she just couldn’t get rid of this somber feeling she had. Honestly things had been great lately. She was exercising again, trying to get ready for her two upcoming trips. She also was working on an old hobby again, hoping to start a new chapter. And had reconnected with some close friends. So why was she feeling so weird today?

As she got ready to shower away the sweat of her workout she got hungry so she grabbed a banana. The banana was ok but it definitely didn’t hit the spot. She had a craving for something she couldn’t put her finger on. As she showered she sang to her hearts content. Pop songs turned into rap songs, rap songs turned into alternative rock, and alternative turned into commercial jingles. She began singing this jingle out of the blue, “Whenever you’re feeling good and hungry it’s Skyline time. (Humming words she couldn’t remember). And the taste is so divine. Together at last it’s Skyline time! Skyyy Line.” When she finished singing she laughed for the first time today, and realizes her craving was for Skyline chili. It wasn’t her favorite, and she never really had a craving for it, but it was something she hadn’t had in a while.

Later that day she had dinner plans with her mom. When she told her mom what she was craving her mom laughed and said, “You really want Skyline Lizzy? That is so random, but ok.” When she got to the restaurant a group of little girls were leaving with their dad, they each had these bright red balloons that their little hands could barely control that kept hitting patrons in the face as they walked to the exit. Liz found herself laughing at the dad’s frustration towards the balloons as he was trying to get them out of the way. Liz and her mom shared a large four way and each had two coneys a piece. As they ate her mom shared her stories about all the craziness going on at her job this week, and about the safety award she was supposed to receive next month. As Liz listened she also started to wipe her fingers of the chili and cheese that hadn’t made it to her mouth. As she was wiping she noticed her ring wasn’t on her finger, and that’s when it hit her. Today was April 12^th.

April was never Liz’s, or her mothers, favorite month. This month always brought great sorrow. She had lost two great uncles a week apart in this month. Her mother’s cousin had taken a turn for the worst and shortly thereafter past during this month. Also during this month was an anniversary of finishing something, which she recently had been questioning why she even started or finished. But more than anything the greatest tragedy of her life thus far happened that month, her father died.

On April 12, 2001 Martin L. Dale died from his fight with cancer and diabetes. She remembered that day as if it were only a few hours ago. It was a Thursday morning; she was out of school for a two week break because at her year around school if you did well every once in a while you would get two weeks out as a reward. She was so hype because that night on WWE Smackdown Jeff Hardy was having a huge match against Triple H. That morning she woke up around 10:30 so she would have enough time to grab some cereal before The View came on. As she was dancing around acting silly, she thought life couldn’t get any better. The house phone rang and Liz ran downstairs to grab it. When she answered it was her dad’s sister, “Hey Liz is your mom home?” Liz was happy to hear her aunt call; they had only met since her dad got real sick. “No she and my step dad went out to pick up some stuff for the house.” After she said that her aunt sighed and said, “Liz I’m sorry I have something to tell you…Your Dad passed away this morning. I was time for him to move onto a better place, somewhere with no pain. Have your mom call me when she gets back.” After she hung up her face felt flushed as tears rolled down her cheeks onto blue and yellow pajamas. She tried calling her mom and step dad over and over, but didn’t get an answer. Liz fell to the floor sobbing into the comforter that hung from her bed. Repeatedly she screamed out why, daddy why did you leave me. She cried so hard that she choked on her tears, she felt like her heart had just been ripped out of her chest as she gasped to breath. As she looked at her trembling hands she gazed at the ring her father had given her one of the last time she was at his house, right before he took a turn for the worst, it was the last piece she had of him now. Completely broken down and alone she realized her best friend had just died and she would never be the same.

Her mom called back 15 minutes later explaining that they had both left their phones in the car, and asked what was up. When Liz told her the news she said they would be back as soon as possible. When they got to the house they ran up to Liz’s room and held her as she continued to sob, until she had cried herself to sleep. When she woke up it was around 6:30 that evening, it had been hours since she had drifted off. The room felt cool from the breeze that drifted through her window and she could smell the moist grass from the rain. As she sat up her step dad knocked and came in, asking her was she ok. Liz was numb and drained as her step dad hugged her. When he asked was she hungry she nodded yes. He named a few places he could grab food from, she shrugged not really caring. So he said he would just go get something, and he did, Skyline Chili. A four way and a coney, they sat on her bed and ate in silence as Smackdown played on the TV. By the time Smackdown ended her mother had come home from work and switched spots with her step dad. Liz drifted to sleep again as her mom rubbed her back.

That night she dreamed about the time her dad had taken her and her two nieces to a fashion show at a local college that her step sister was producing. After the show they gave away the red balloons that decorated the room to the kids to eliminate some of the cleanup. Her nieces were having a ball with these balloons in the backseat of the car. As her dad was pulling into the parking lot of Dominos Pizza the girls had started hitting each other with the balloons, which was blocking the rear view window. Liz’s dad told the girls to stop and to lower the balloons, they did at least until he left to inside and get the pizza. When he came back Liz was laughing as the two girls in the backseat had started up again with the balloons. As he tried to backup with all the balloon action going on he stopped the car abruptly. The stop cause them all to jerk and look at him, which is when he said with his accent strong out of frustration, “Stop with the balloons mon. Me can’t see what me doing. I can’t see!” After a brief pause of silence the three girls looked at each other and died laughing. Her father never got upset or yelled, he was this quiet man that usually sat back and let kids be kids. So when he said this to them they couldn’t help but laugh, being mad just didn’t fit his personality. Needless to say the backseat balloon battle stopped, but for the rest of the evening they laughed and laughed at his brief moment of anger. He just sat enjoying the moment with a smile, occasionally shaking his head at the girl’s silliness, humming his usual tune, “once my cup was overflowing…”

“Liz are you ok, what’s wrong?” asked her mom. Liz had drifted into a deep flashback remembering the day her daddy died. She explained it to her mom, and shared how weird her day had been. From her craving for Skyline and the little girls with the red balloons, to the song on the radio that morning. Her mother grabbed her hand and kissed her forehead gently, feeling the pain her daughter was experiencing. Then said, “Liz he would be so proud of you if he were here. He loved you so much.” When she got home she found her ring sitting on the dresser, in between a half empty glass of water and a half full bottle perfume. As she picked it up she smiled as a single tear fell down her face. She kissed it and placed it back on her hand where it belonged.  She finally felt ok again, and went to bed feeling happy, not alone, and at peace.

Dedicated to Martin L. Dale, my father who I miss dearly <3